Everybody Loves Raymond Season 1 Episode 3
Storyline
Ray has to deliver the eulogy at his Uncle Gus's funeral, but he spends more time at the funeral trying to settle a dispute between Marie and her sister.
Quotes
Debra Barone: [Ray and Debra stop Ally running through the house] Is that my laundry marker? Honey were you drawing on the walls again?
Debra Barone: [innocently] No I drew on Geoffrey
Debra Barone: [She walks into the kitchen and returns a moment later with Geoffrey. Under his nose is a black toothbrush moustache] Bad news for Europe Ray.
Ray Barone: [He grabs a tissue] I got it. See it's coming off. It's not coming off
Robert Barone: [at the funeral] Bride's side or groom's side?
Ray Barone: [Silently stares at Robert]
Robert Barone: I'm lightening the mood
Ray Barone: If you don't forgive Aunt Alda no one at this funeral is going to have a good time.
Debra: (After seeing Geoffrey with a Hitler moustache) Bad news for Europe, Ray.
Frank: (To Ray) When your mother is upset she doesn't cook. When she doesn't cook I don't eat. You do the math.
Marie: (To Ray) Did your father send you? He hates it when I cry. It reminds him of our wedding day.
Alda: What's your problem, Marie? I can't even say a word without you topping me.
Marie: I can't help it, you're easily topped!
Marie: You know what Alda would do? She'd read my diary. She put my dolls in odd positions. She'd wear my clothes, steal my boyfriends.
Ray: Really? What kind of positions?
Ray: Some funeral, huh?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Wanna do it?
Marie: You never even sent a gift.
Alda: My gift was that I came at all.
Marie: What kind of a horse's ass gift is that?
Alda: You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass!
(Ally drew a moustache on Geoffrey)
Frank: Can Hitler have a juice-box?
Debra: Hey, do you know what I think is really sexy?
Ray: What?
Debra: A man who does the dishes.
Ray: No, does nothing for me... Do you know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes... with another woman!
Frank: He wants you to deliver his eulogy.
Ray: Why? I hardly knew the guy.
Frank: It was his dying wish.
Robert: Even dead people love Raymond.
Frank: Ray, I've got some news. I don't know the best way to break this. Your great-uncle Gus—dead!
Ray: Oh, no, I liked him.
Robert: Yeah, me, too—hey, nuts
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